Enigma and me
I think I was 17 when I got a disc with all of Enigma's albums and bonus materials (music videos) as a Christmas gift.
And man, was I in awe when I watched these videos. A lot of them were so psychedelic, and it hit the right spot in my brain. TNT for the Brain is love. And Beyond the Invisible? It's absolutely crazy and stunning at the same time! I feel like I am missing this freaky side in my art, and I want to reconnect with it. That's what distinguished me.
So among these videos was "Push the Limits," and holy moly, THIS is what I want from my visual storytelling and from music videos. It was symbolic, dark, erotic, and freaking beautiful. But it clearly tells a story you can read and interpret however you want.
When I dig through the archive of my memories, I am thrilled about these little findings. Back in my youth, I didn't understand that such sudden inspirations may shape the way I am as an artist. I wish I had recognized it then and cherished it more. Now I feel trapped in aesthetics that sell well. And don't get me wrong, I love it. I love flowers and flowy lines and graceful poses. But something true, something genuine, is buried underneath and can't manifest anymore. And this "genuine something" was shaped by bands like Enigma.
It's not too late to reconnect. But together with that I know that this reconnection should be separated from work and from my regular art accounts. It's a journey I need to take alone. Probably my personal blog is the best space for that, because I am not bound by my "brand" and the need to be recognizable. I am free from expectations of my audience (small, but existing).
I started writing and drawing on a regular basis at the age of 11. Simply because it was unbearable for me to carry everything that happened in my brain without giving it shape in the real world. I still write and draw because I can't live otherwise. My mind is wired in a very different way. Not good or bad, just different. Much like in "Beyond the Invisible," I have my own world with freaky men in funny helmets judging a figure skating contest in the forest. And if I lose connection to this world, I suffer.
That's why I am alone. I need the same breed of idiot nearby, because other people can't understand my ridiculous ways. I don't blame them. It's hard to comprehend how one can be a responsible adult with their head in the clouds 24/7.
Funnily enough, some of my friends praise me for in-depth character lore and immersion. But it's the natural state of my mind. It's me, the essence of me. Life is not worth anything without that other world.
Oh, and by the way, my favorite albums are "Voyageur" and "The Screen Behind the Mirror."