Surgery recovery [TTRPG bluebooking]
This month was both amazing and terrible.
Although Minz's wish was finally fulfilled, there was still a cost to bear, and it wasn't just about money. The surgery itself was fine. But despite all the talk, consulting, and research he did beforehand, he wasn't ready for the full weight of the recovery process.
He reminded himself of a freshly molted centipede: weak, vulnerable, and hiding from the outside world. The first week was especially tough on him because he was mainly staying in bed with tubes sticking out of every suitable surface. He could tolerate pain, but it became annoying pretty soon. Minz didn't want to bother Star with his discomfort, though. She was already exhausted with the surgery and post-surgery care.
The hospital stay was rather embarrassing, too. For the first few days, you are in a state when you can't even stand up to pee. You are often nauseous and may vomit every now and then. You may be unable to attend to your basic hygiene needs. That's likely why you shouldn't be your friend's patient; it's gross and awkward for both of you.
So when it was time to go home and continue the recovery process there, Minz was thanking all the forces of the universe and every single known god altogether. Little did he know that the toughest part had only just begun.
Orion took up from there. It's a good thing he's a medical professional too; Star didn't have to spend additional time explaining every single detail. From him Minz learned that he still has to exist in a pretty much vegetative state for about a month. His sternum had to heal up, and it brought many restrictions to the table. He couldn't sleep in bed because it could be incredibly uncomfortable and dangerous. An armchair and a bunch of pillows it is. He couldn't lift anything heavier than a bottle of water. He could barely climb up stairs, and it was the ultimate test of his heart and lungs' recovery. He couldn't do any workouts except walking. He had to hug a freaking plush pillow every time he was about to cough, sneeze, or laugh. And there was very little to laugh about, so thank goodness it wasn't needed as often. Later on Orion got him a special harness, which was still ugly and awkward, but much better than a damn plushie.
And what made Minz feel even more miserable was the dynamic shift between him and Orion. It honestly sucks when your loved one has to become your primary caregiver. Probably Orion will see Minz differently after this experience, even though he did his best to reassure him to the contrary.
But it was good to have sessions with Phil. Without therapy the recovery could be much worse. He was moody and angry the majority of the time, and he couldn't find it in him to be more mindful and grateful. This behavior stemmed from his deep-rooted fear of appearing weak and allowing others to care for him. As a result, Minz had already fucked up big time, when out of pure frustration, he decided to ignore the gym restriction and tried to sneak in for the workout. It's good that Orion contacted Star immediately. He denied it, but Minz is not an idiot. Well, he actually is, but not in this particular way.
Star has caught him thereāgood thing that Minz was just out of the locker room and hadn't started his routine yet. And man, was she furious. Well-deserved, though. He ignored the fact that she sacrificed so much for him and for this surgery. It wasn't just a plain disobedience; it was full-on disrespect. Regret kicked in rather quickly even without additional therapy sessions. Decisions made out of anger always kick him in the ass, but learning to pause and reflect on your feelings and action plans is not an overnight thing. Minz hoped he made amends by talking to Star later and apologizing for his reckless behavior.
It wasn't easy for him and people who loved him. Funnily enough, Minz had no idea how much he is actually loved. It takes a lot to put up with him, his ugly lashings, and his stubbornness. Orion got the most of it, and even though he has the patience of the saint, a few times they got into a heated argument.
"I am sorry" became Minz's motto this month. He said it on a daily basis, and he owed an apology to literally everyone around. Phil could just sigh and say, "At least you've learned some accountability."
He was sick and disgusted with himself. Minz thought that the surgery erased the last legacy his father had left behindāthe ugly scar and barely reparable damage that could kill him at any moment. However, this uncontrollable anger, these awful outburstsā¦ they reminded him so much. Was he so different, after all? If he could say incredibly nasty words to the man he presumably loves. If he could disrespect the time and work put into his well-being by his best friend. If he could dismiss and ignore his brother, who was genuinely worried to the point of having an anxiety attack. If he blamed his mentor and friend for saving him back then.
Yet, despite all of this, he never stopped being loved. He hurt them all, but they stayed with him even through the pain.
He owed them much more than just an apology. And when he is finally recovered, this debt won't be left unpaid.